Your 12 Step Program For Netflix and Chill

Here are some tips and tricks to make your Netflix and chill experience as enjoyable as possible. Take notes.


Graphic by Finn Cole

Step 1:

Confirm the time and place.


Step 2:

If you are certain you will be taking part in such an activity, have a list of TV shows or movies ready to offer up as options so as to shorten the search process.


Step 3:

Clear out your Netflix history that consists of murder documentaries and only murder documentaries. We don’t want them getting the wrong idea.


Step 4:

Stay away from stand-up comedy. You do not want that in the background, trust me. I’ve had a bad experience with Dave Chapelle. I don’t want to talk about it.


Step 5:

Please shower. Do not use 3 in 1.


Step 6:

Throw on something comfy and loose… easy to take off.

Maybe some cute undies? Savage X by Fenty? Rihanna, please sponsor me.


Step 7:

Offer to get snacks n drinks for the occasion, even if you think you won’t be eating or drinking them. Still nice to have on deck in case of an emergency.


Step 8:

If they have a dog, make sure you spend at least 7 minutes sitting on the floor petting said dog while you make awkward small talk with your partner.


Step 9:

Familiarize yourself with the premise to find the best escape route, again, just in case.


Step 10:

Put on Diners, Drive ins and Dives to set the mood.


Step 11:

Make sure the main character of whatever you decide to watch is not hotter than you. We cannot have that happening.


Step 12:

Keep your feminist agenda on the coffee table in plain sight.

The most important part of the program is to have fun. Thank you for coming to my TED talk. Oh and don't forget the condoms.