Why Guys and Girls Can't Really Be Just Friends

Okay so maybe “can’t’ is a strong word. It’s definitely not impossible, but too often we see friendship dynamics become complicated. We see romantic relationships tested because of ‘friends’. Why is it so difficult for heterosexual guys and girls to be friends?


To create a common understanding, all forms of relationships (whether casual, familiar, or romantic) are based on time-spent, trust, communication, and respect. Obviously, there are other factors that differ from case to case, but those are the foundation stones of all relationships.


So...how can that be complicated between guys and girls?


“I feel like guy and girls can be the same type of friends as their [same sex] friend groups' bonds”-Anonymous

Well for starters, there is a level of comfort that guys seem to share around girls that makes those relationships very different than those shared with the same sex. There is a certain type of guard that guys feel they can let down in front of girls, that they typically don’t feel that they can around their boys. That leads to a bond that goes deeper than some friendships and can be mixed as a romantic symptom. For guys, it's a big deal to share a connection like that with someone, so how are they supposed to act? It could be a confusing time for guys. From confusion comes complications, and complicated is not a way you would want to describe a real friendship.




Another big reason comes when sexual tendencies get involved and that definitely makes things tricky. On some level of basic human nature, guys are extremely sexually-oriented. The way we think, imagine, dream, etc. usually all comes down to our primal urges. Like Elizabeth Stapleton expressed in her article The Forgotten Side of the Friendzone:

“I hear all this shit on TikTok from boys being like: Ladies, if you have best friends that are male, every single one of them has thought of sleeping with you, has WANTED to sleep with you and probably would in a heartbeat if you agreed.”

Unfortunately, there is some truth to that. And I think that has more to do with the way the two sides approach sex. For the most part, girls approach sex like they are selecting from a fancy wine menu. When they are thirsty, they want a wine that caters to their taste. Sometimes sweet, sometimes tannic. They can select from a wide variety and it is up to them which they want. Guys on the other hand, approach sex like they have been dehydrated and we’ll take whatever they can to satisfy their thirst. That comes from girls having more freedom to choose who they want to have sex with and guys kind of having to see what cards are dealt. So, to Elizabeth’s point, it is a bit of a bitter truth.


I also feel there’s another smaller driving point when it comes to perception. Sometimes, these intersex friendships look WAY MORE than just friendships. It’s very tough, because as the bond gets stronger so does the appearance of the relationship. People are going to assume this and that, and that could lead to some dangerous pressures. Y’all could give in to that pressure and that could dramatically impact the friendship. Either you’ll feel compelled to shed that appearance, which might cause distance, or you give in to it and take it to the next level.


In my opinion...

for a friendship to clearly work out, romantic and sexually intimate aspects of relationships, have to be non-existent. And for it to be kept that way, it requires a lot of help. Essentially, a friendship between a guy and a girl can really only work if there is something that prevents them from having sex. Such as one or both having significant others or if one side is close friends to the other’s SO. (Don’t get me wrong, even then it doesn’t stop some.) My point, it’s pretty damn hard for a guy and a girl to be just friends.