If you're a girl and you can't seem to climax, no matter how much you like your partner, don't worry you've come to the right place. And no, you're not alone.
We all know the double standard: women that have "a lot" of sex are whores, but men that have a lot of sex are GODS.
What I hate even more than the sex double-standard is the pressure for women to finish. We all know it’s harder for a woman to finish than it is for a man, and we all know women are used to ‘faking’ a good time, but why?
Why do women feel pressured to lie about finishing?
Why is it so hard for a woman to finish in the first place?
Well, here's what some college students had to say about that...
“I think for women, it is more about stroking a man's ego and lying about finishing to make them feel better about their performance when, in reality, a lot of women regularly don’t finish.”
SO I guess it’s true… we do live in a man’s world. It’s not a woman’s job to stroke our partner's ego. But (I guess) when you're in a relationship, especially in the beginning stages, all you want to do is please your partner. When he asks if you finished, you say yes. A simple lie. What's the result? The huge smile of accomplishment he's unable to hide on his face, which is almost better than an orgasm.
Well, not really... good enough for now though (I guess).
But ladies, we gotta stop telling men they’re better than they are.
We’re actually doing them a disservice - if we're not honest they won’t improve! In a relationship, sex is about honest communication, we all know this. So if you continue to lie to make them feel better the sex will never get better for YOU. It's 2021 and time to stop lying about our orgasms, especially to your man.
If the dick ain't smackin, we gotta tell em' they're lackin'.
“There is definitely pressure for women to finish! I can honestly only finish from oral sex. For the longest times I faked orgasms just to make my partner feel better”
And there is science behind this… most women cannot orgasm from penetration only. This means that even if your boyfriend is doing some Magic Mike shit, you might not orgasm. It’s not his fault, it’s not your fault, but tell that man to get his face down there, and maybe some ‘magic’ will actually happen.
Still, an orgasm can't be forced. If they're working their tongue off and nothing's happening, tell them! Or adjust their head placement... maybe even grab a sex toy they can use on you. In a relationship, communication and sex toys are KEY.
“I have to literally clear my head like I am meditating and the tiniest sounds can throw my orgasm off.”
See, this is where women and men differ in the area of pleasure. For men, an orgasm is a physical act, but for women, it’s VERY mental and emotional. Most women have to focus really hard to orgasm; it's about being comfortable and relaxed.
In a relationship, sex should be comfortable.
You should be able to laugh, make jokes, or even fist bump after (not like I've done that...) You should be able to openly talk to one another about what you want; hand placement, speed, position.
Your relationship is not from a Hollywood Film... the perfect orgasm is not going to be covered by the sound of "Love Me Like You Do" by Ellie Goulding, and it's going to take work from both parties.
As they say, relationships are work, and that doesn't exclude your sex life.
So sorry ladies, but you probably won't be able to O from a quickie in the bathroom.
“Before going to college, and even in my first year, I never faked an orgasm and never felt pressured to. I didn’t see the point. But after being more exposed to hookup culture and expectations of it, one day, out of the blue, I lied to my partner. I had never done that before, and I have no idea why I did, but I felt like I had to.”
And now we're back to societal pressure. When a woman has sex, she feels like she should finish and needs to validate the man. BUT THAT IS NOT THE CASE.
Ladies, it is not your job to make your partner feel good about themselves. It is your job to help them make you feel good. And of course, you should help them too ;)
But the point is, never feel like you need to tell him that you finished. Relationships really are built on trust and honesty, so why should that change when you take it to the bedroom?
Sex should be equal.
You are BOTH supposed to enjoy it. So put the work in yourself and TELL your partner what he needs to do to MAKE SURE their job (and yours) is done.
Otherwise, what’s the fun in that?