Pleasure can sometimes speak louder than words...
Sometimes it’s so fucking good it makes you scream. Other times you’re left wondering, “Is that it?”
OR they were a virgin.
KIDDING! Kinda. But in all seriousness, someone into BDSM probably wouldn’t enjoy fucking someone who thinks doggy is scary. They just don’t understand pleasure in the same language.
Yet, everyone starts somewhere, and many people, mostly women, find it VERY hard to find pleasure in sex at all. Some females weren’t blessed (or cursed… not sure which one) with the sex drive of a fifteen-year-old boy.
So nothing is wrong with you if for some reason you CANNOT get into it when he’s in(to) you. Or if she’s ridin’ and vibin’ and you’re 10 seconds from going limp.
But don’t lose hope in your sex life just yet.
A psychologist, Gary Chapman, came up with the idea of the five love languages:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Just like people speak different languages, people understand love differently. If you are not speaking your partner's love language, they may not understand or see your love for them.
So how is sex any different?
Gary intended this as a way to fix marriages, but we're gonna use it to fix your sex life.
Take the quiz and figure out the primary language in which you understand love! Then I’ll tell you how you can understand pleasure and...
Which sex toy you should be using, according to your love language.
DISCLAIMER: kinks come from MANY different things, so these toys may not necessarily be for you. Personally, I would advise to just try them all, and more ;)
1. Words of Affirmation: Blindfolds
Arguably, one of the deepest human needs is to feel appreciated.
Verbal compliments and words of appreciation are the most influential communicators of love to people with this love language.
Blindfolds are a classic prop for the bedroom. When you lose one sense, the others are heightened. So when you use a blindfold, you are able to focus on the words your partner says to you rather than what he/she is doing to you. Plus, you’ll hear the affirmations of pleasure they’re undoubtedly moaning even better.
However, this takes some communication from you as well.
Tell them what you want to hear. Great sex comes from great communication.
Here are some personal suggestions, if you will…
You feel so fucking good
God you’re good at that
I could fuck you all night
People whose love language is words of affirmation THRIVE on affirmation and reassurance. Just make sure that your partner knows to give you these affirmations while they rail the shit out of you.
2. Physical Touch: Sex Candles & Ice Cubes
Although we're talking about sex, having physical touch as a love language DOES NOT mean you only feel love with physical intimacy. Hand holding, cuddling, hugs, a touch of the shoulder, and a hand on the small of your back are all non-sexual acts that relay to your partner that you love them.
People with this love language NEED physical contact to feel love.
Again, we’re toying with our senses with this one. Maybe dripping wax on
your tits or happy trail sounds scary, but these candles are meant for sex.
Playing with the temperature of your most sensitive areas will almost ‘wake’ them, intensifying every touch, stroke, lick, and bite.
The same goes for ice cubes. You can use an ice cube to change the temperature of your mouth before giving a blow job or eating her out.
Bonus points for putting the ice cube in your hand while giving a blow job and/or putting the ice cube on her breasts and letting it melt down her stomach.
You’ll be able to feel every single touch with this one.
3. Acts of Service: Restraints
If your love language is acts of service, you feel loved when your partner does things for you that you want them to, or just does something out of the blue that he/she knows will help you out. It shows that they were thinking of you.
Soo if you got acts of service, tell your partner to restrain you.
With you in restraints, they’re the one doing the pleasing. Having your partner WANT to please you and serve your needs is SO HOT when your love language is acts of service. And let’s be real, who doesn’t like to be a pillow princess or prince? Just remember to reciprocate (eventually) so you can both fullllyyyy enjoy the sexual experience ;)
4. Quality Time: Rabbit Cock Ring
Yes, we’re making rabbits sexual.
Quality time as a primary love language means you value undivided attention from your partner. Whether it be going for a walk alone together, or Airbnb'ing a night in the mountains, you need time together. This means no phones, no other people, and no distractions! Just the two of you.
You want them to enjoy your time together just as much as you do; and this sex toy is perfect for mutual pleasure.
Rabbit cock rings go around the shaft and have little ears on top of it that stimulate the clit.
Fucking is already some great quality time, but this sex toy will enhance BOTH of your sexual experiences.
Plus, if you opt for the remote control version, one of you gets control over the other (just like in 50 Shades duh), which adds just the right amount of spice and suspense.
5. Receiving Gifts: Remote Control Vibrator
When your love language is receiving gifts, you feel loved when you know your partner is thinking about you.
This one is all about having something physically in front of you, or just in you.
That way you know your partner was (or is) thinking about you. These gifts don't have to be big, it could even be a little heart shaped note saying, "I love you." Just having the visual symbol of love is enough for the person with this love language.
Each pulsation and buzz of this toy is a reminder that he/she is thinking about ONLY you the entire time and WANTS to pleasure you by turning on and off the vibrator. This toy is GREAT for foreplay (and during the game too) and it’s like a little gift with every push of the button ;).
Bonus points if your partner buys this for you as a gift.
When it comes to sex, we all have our kinks, preferences, and even fears.
At the end of the day, one of the most important aspects of sex is making sure that you are 100% comfortable with your partner. Consider if you're ready to give in to the amount of vulnerability that sex involves. Be prepared to ask yourself questions like:
Am I ready to be vulnerable with them?
Remember: sex toys are not ‘one size fits all’ and just like your love language, you need to find which ‘sex language’ best speaks to you.
Pleasure is for everyone, but it may take a few tries to find out what leaves you screaming.
That's all for now, enjoy ;)