The Reality of the First Time

Feat. The inner monologues of survivors.

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I’m so into him.

Why are my hands shaking?

I shouldn’t have eaten so much today.

Omg did I remember to shave?

I hope he doesn’t ghost me after this...

-Her


She’s stunning.

Okay, get yourself together.

Did I bring a condom?

Shit is this really about to happen right now?

I hope I can last...

-Him

Mentally pregaming before having sex with someone for the first time involves a lot of dwelling. It's frantically remembering why you love wearing baggy sweatshirts, pinpointing every insecurity, and reminding yourself that you don't need to go through with this if you're not ready. It's the question running through your head, does wearing baggy clothes mark me as being self-conscious?


The nerves are real and completely valid.


When you’re sharing a moment as intimate as sex with someone new, it’s okay to be anxious. It takes time to trust someone enough to feel entirely comfortable around them, especially when it comes down to your body.


Let’s be real, every pornographic scene in every movie and every tv show has lied to us. Sex is never that good the first time. They show us the fun parts but none of the real shit.


We don’t see the moment before it happens when the girl is in the bathroom freaking the fuck out while staring at her body in the mirror.


Fuck, he’s going to touch my stomach.

What if he doesn’t like what he sees?

It doesn’t matter, he likes you enough already.

Right?

I’m so bloated.

-Her


Or the moment when the guy is nervously putting on the condom.


I need to make her feel good.

How do I do that?

C’mon, I know what I’m doing.

Right?

Fuck, this thing is slippery.

-Him


The first time doing it isn’t all that it’s made out to be. You can have the whole night planned out in your head but as soon as the clothes come off, shit happens.


Maybe you’ll accidentally bite his lip or he’ll fuck up the pace and ruin the vibe. Maybe you both roll too far to the left side of the bed and fall on your asses.


Who knows, and honestly, who gives a fuck?


So what if you embarrass yourself in the moment. It’ll be funny when you replay that shit back in your head later on. More importantly, it'll be funny when you're telling your best friend about it the next day.


Besides, sex will probably never be perfect with someone no matter how many times you do it, let alone doing it with someone for the first time.


Everyone’s bodies fit together differently. It takes time to adjust and figure out what works and what doesn’t.


Perfect isn’t a realistic goal. You know what is? Having fun and gaining a level of trust and familiarity with each other.

So, let’s recap.


It's most likely not going to be great the first time. It’s also completely normal to be a fucking mess before it happens. Lastly, practice makes that shit “perfect,” or at least a lot better than it started.


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If the first time is bad, then the next time has to be better, right?

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