The 10 Days of the Talking Stage

It is brutally exhausting to tell a new person my favorite color.






The dating scene is just an endless washing machine cycle of wasting time. You’re stuck with dating apps and the worst form of communication .. Snapchat. I mean who is really out here introducing themselves in person when we can just hope they swipe right on us. There’s a level that we all need to get through before getting a boo: The Firecrotch Talking Stage.


This is how it usually goes:


Day 1:

You find someone cute and not boring on a dating app. You chat with them for maybe a few hours. A conversation on an app can take awhile because they either use it when they’re bored, horny, or if their notifications are turned off.


Day 2:

Someone gets TIRED of the late responses and sends, “Hey, I’m not on here much so you can add my snap if you want.” The Snapchat day can also take a while. Think of it like Amazon Prime delivery.


Day 3:

It can all end on day 3. Sometimes people lose their entire personality on Snapchat and just send your forehead. Maybe they use the chat function only and abuse emojis … that’s ugly. People can also ask for pictures because they’re aggressively horny .. I mean I have over 400 Instagram posts. Make it work.


Days 4-6:

If you decide they’re not insane or boring. You’re getting to know each other. Pets! Jobs! Favorite food! All the icebreaker shit on the first day of classes. However, when you talk to new people all the time, you might as well have a baseball card with your stats readily available.


Day 7:

No more virtual talking, let’s find out if you’re a catfish! You can arrange plans to eat out or maybe get sexy. Whatever. Let’s make some real life interaction here.


Day 8:

Plan either goes right or out the window. Maybe the vibes are off now. Someone starts taking seven hours to reply and that’s kinda annoying. You give them a chance because they told you how hot you are a week ago.


Day 9:

The shameful double text. One party is going to reach more than once during the day to see if they get a response quicker. Maybe the crazy light bulb switches on and you’re now looking at their Snapchat location. You patiently wait just to get a forehead picture.


Day 10:

Someone takes matters into their own hands and doesn’t message the other first. The slow realization that they’re just not that into you. Back to swiping.


Don’t sweat about someone who doesn’t give you the time of day. Honestly, they all come back, but make sure it’s not just because they’re horny.