Remember post-sex care is just as important as foreplay.
When it comes to sex, the heavy emphasis in our society is always placed on foreplay and making sure the mood is just right before the deed. And while that IS important, we often forget about the aftercare that should come as second nature to us.
How to care for your partner after sex:
1. Pee.
First things first, man or woman, you should always pee after sex. No matter what. Remind one another. Peeing after sex can help flush bacteria that was introduced during sex away from your urethra. We are eliminating UTI’s in 2021.
2. Help clean up.
We’re not leaving a plethora of DNA at the crime scene. And by that I mean the bedroom. Or wherever you have sex. Whatever it is, clean it up. It helps to have a washcloth or even toilet paper handy!
3. Bring them water.
Even if they didn’t ask for it, they’ll drink it anyway. It doesn’t go unnoticed.
4. Cuddling and debriefing.
Discussing feelings after sex helps bring you both back to equilibrium. Sometimes it feels like the best and most honest conversations take place after sex. Many people feel vulnerable after hooking up because of the rush of dopamine that was just exuded. It helps to talk about what each of you liked and disliked, things you both would like to try next time, and if you were both comfortable the entire time. Positive reinforcement!
5. Showering.
Shower together or offer the other person a shower. This is hygiene efficient, thoughtful and can be bonding if you choose to do so together. Intimacy without it being sex is also super healthy, especially if it’s with someone you have or want to have an emotional bond with. It can also help destress.
6. Make sure your partner has a safe ride home if you’re not at sleepover level yet.
Whether that looks like you driving them home, ordering them an uber or them driving themselves back, walk them to the car and make sure they’re safe as they pull away. It’s considerate. If you guys are at sleepover stage, then making sure they have enough pillows or blankets to sleep comfortably is key. Also asking them if they want to watch anything on Netflix as you guys fall asleep is a nice touch.
7. High five!
Self explanatory, but have fun with it!
Why this is important:
Checking in with your partner after the fact is the polite thing to do whether it's a long term partner or someone you just recently met. There is a lot of shame that surrounds initiating intimacy within casual sex partners or one night stands, but let’s be real, sex in and of itself is already one of the most intimate things ever.
Just because you take the time to ask your partner how they feel afterwards and debrief on the situation, doesn’t mean you have to marry them, or that you even want to date them. It just means you respect them and care to know that everyone involved had an enjoyable time.
Making sure your partner is okay and healthy before AND after sex can also make future sex with them more romantic (if you’re into that) and satisfying because they know you care about them.
Normalize taking the time to look at your partner as an equal human being with thoughts and feelings regardless of their placement in your life.