Why Is Thinking About Sex Better than Actually Having It?

If you get worked up thinking about having sex only to be bored, disappointed and unfulfilled during the act, don't worry. There's a reason.

Photo: Unsplash

We’ve all been there. The fantasy is a dopamine-soaked masterpiece, a cinematic experience where you’re the star, the director, and the most desired person in the room. But then, the lights come up, and the actual performance, well, it’s more like a low-budget student film. The gap between the imagined and the executed can be a yawning chasm, a puzzling disconnect that leaves us scratching our heads.

Why is the mental orgasm so much more satisfying than the physical one?

Let’s be clear, we’re not suggesting that sex is overrated. For most people, it's a fundamental human experience, a cornerstone of intimacy, and when it’s good, it’s really good. But for many of us, the mental gymnastics leading up to the act can be equally, if not more, pleasurable. It's a complex interplay of psychology, biology, and societal conditioning.

1. You're the Steven Spielberg of Your Own Fantasies

Our minds are incredibly powerful tools. They can transport us to exotic locales, create compelling narratives, and populate them with the most desirable characters. When it comes to sex, the mind is the ultimate playground. There are no rules, no limits, and no consequences. It’s a world where perfection reigns, where bodies are always sculpted, and chemistry is off the charts.

This mental masturbation, if you will, is also a safe space. It allows us to explore our desires without judgment or rejection. It's also a place where your insecurities might not even exist. It’s a way to connect with our deepest fantasies without the vulnerability of real-life interaction. And let's face it, sometimes the anticipation is better than the actual event. The build-up, the suspense, the endless possibilities – it’s a heady cocktail that can be hard to beat. It's also common for your fantasies to be better than the real thing if control brings you comfort and peace, because when another person (or people) is involved, then the power balance shifts.

2. There Are IRL Implications Our Minds Don't Consider

When you see sex in movies, it's effortless and spontaneous. None of the actors on the screen seem to be concerned about their breath or their smell. The actual physical act of sex, on the other hand, is grounded in biology. It’s influenced by hormones, neurotransmitters, and physical sensations. It's subject to the vagaries of the real world – awkwardness, timing, humor, and the dreaded performance anxiety. Plus, our bodies aren’t always up to the task. Fatigue, stress, and hormonal fluctuations can all take a toll on our libido.

So, How Can You Make Sex as Good as You Imagine It?

How do we bridge the gap between fantasy and reality? The key is to manage expectations. Understand that sex is a two-way street. Communication is essential. Don't be afraid to share your fantasies with your partner (tastefully, of course). And remember, it's okay to not always be in the mood.

Also, consider incorporating mindfulness practices into your sex life. Being present in the moment can help you appreciate the physical experience more fully. Remember that sex, especially with a partner, is a journey. You won't get it right the first time, and sometimes, not even the twentieth time. The important thing is that you leave every experience feeling more aware of yourself in the best way possible.

Ultimately, the most satisfying sexual experiences are a blend of the mental and the physical. It’s about finding a balance that works for you, and learning what feels good in real life. Don't tie yourself to the conventions of what you think sex is. You may fantasize about a specific scenario or thing, but that doesn't the actual act will be just as hot or comfortable.

The next time you find yourself lost in a sexual reverie, don’t be too hard on yourself. It's a natural part of being human. Just remember to bring that fantasy world a little closer to reality when the time is right. After all, a little bit of reality can be just as exciting as the wildest dreams.