Don’t @ Me but Venmo Captions are Twitter’s younger sibling.
Sure, we have the plain Janes who just write “Rent” or “HBD,’ they’re inevitable. They’re like the Facebook moms of Venmo. Some get a bit more creative and add the fun stickers or emojis to these boring captions. However, the right type of people make paying someone fun. In the words of my friend Patrice, “Personally I like to pretend I’m sending my friends money to get out of prison.” This quote really resonated with me. Venmo Captions are meant to be weird. Sometimes, Venmo captions can be funnier than anything you see on Social Media, and be memes in themselves.
I decided to go on a quest and find six of the most ridiculous and random Venmo captions, and then write conspiracy theories about them. In the words of Lizze McGuire on the back of Paulo’s vespa in Rome, WHY NOT?
I feel like this must have been a minimum $30 transaction, being that it is a work of art being sold. Whoever’s diarrhea is on the stick may not have had taste at the time, but David clearly did. What a unique purchase. I am sure this stick is proudly displayed somewhere in David’s boujee foyer with similar gems.
I have so many questions here. How much does “an embarrassing experience” cost? What does it entail? Is Jillian paying Joe for this experience to be particularly embarrassing? Honestly, that is a power move. Having the will to be embarrassed is one thing but to PAY MONEY for it, that’s a boss move right there. I feel like she is basically paying someone to go all Impractical Jokers on her and I’m here for it.
Disclosure, this is a transaction between a brother and sister. I love that it was for a fart. I personally am an only child so I can only envy their close relationship. Farts are a rare and valuable form of gas, so I can only imagine this must have cost Patrice a significant amount. Maybe this is how they fill their family car? Possibly. I don’t know what the fart was used for but what I do know is that this is a sign of real sibling closeness.
As I said before, David clearly has taste. So much so, that he has made this list twice. Here, I think he was helping his friend transform into a “Danny Phantom lookin ass.” For those who need a reminder, here is Danny Phantom:
Can we blame Ryan? Who would not want to look this cool? I bet this makeover cost at least $200. To some, Danny Phantom may have just been a cartoon on Nickelodeon back in the day. However, David and Ryan realized that Danny Phantom was clearly an influencer for men’s fashion. The hair. The Boots. This is HANDSOME.
This is another one where I have many questions. First, What and Where is this sushi place? Is this part of their customer experience? Was this intentional? Are they still open after this? I guess “this sushi place” really wants customers to be included and I guess, make them feel as though they are sushi themselves. I’m not sure if that’s the right way to conduct a business but you do you boo!
Best for last. “General debauchery” must be a thing for dudes named Liam. Honestly, I respect that. If you are named Liam, props to you. Cue Tom and Donna from Parks and Rec, “TREAT YO SELF.” This is the type of energy people with all names need even if it is just “general.”
If anything, I hope this reminded everyone to have some fun with Venmo and to not be the basic and boring Facebook mom who goes to bed at 9 p.m. and just writes, “Wine for Bookclub!” Be bold. Be weird.