A year filled with tremendous regret, missed opportunities, and overall disaster: 2020
I was stuck in quarantine for three long weeks in November. I missed my favorite holiday, Black Friday, along with the first three weeks of my new seasonal job. Yet, that unfortunate situation doesn’t come close to making the list of the top 5 worst situations I’ve been in this year.
Let’s just say it’s been a year.
When I hit rock bottom I started to pay more attention to the people in my life. How they showed up for me, if at all. The worst situation I’ve been in this year goes unsaid. Only a handful of people know about it, but even they didn’t understand the full scope of the situation.
For awhile I was able to ignore it, pretend nothing happened, and that seemed to work. Then spring break came along and I lived my best life in Miami.
Still, I found myself in questionable situations. Me, too drunk, with men, too eager. Not to mention the fact that I felt invincible in Miami. I definitely made some bad decisions, but they were all fine, fixable.
Once I came back from Miami I dealt with my shit. Then, classically, we were sent into a full Covid lockdown.
Honestly, the summer gave me a lot of time to reflect. I learned how to grow up during lockdown. When I came back to school for the fall semester there wasn’t much of a going-out scene. Well, there was nothing. By having no options to go out and make bad choices, I was finally making all of the right ones.
Now I’ve learned to invest my time more thoughtfully in the people in my life. This includes men, friends, and family.
The thing about 2020 is that I learned a lot about myself, but I learned more about other people.
I learned who my real friends are.
I'm talking about the go-to-call-if-I-need-to-bury-a-body type of friends. And I learned who’s simply not.
You see, in high school, I mostly kept to myself. I never knew what it was like to be the popular girl, the girl guys hit on, or the life of the party. College was so different for me because I was able to reinvent myself and meet people I could relate to.
However, reflecting in quarantine helped me distinguish those genuine ride-or-die friendships from the shallow ones.
Which of these friendships are meaningful?
Who knows real shit about me?
Who doesn’t know anything more than my full name?
In addition to reflecting on friendships, I've also done a lot of reflecting on relationships. Rather, lack thereof. Which made me realize that I want a boyfriend.
A mature relationship.
It’s fucking time.
I always manage to choose the wrong guy. Someone that I don't put effort into, or someone who only wants sex. Regardless, I haven't been serious enough in my search.
I believe that you can always improve yourself, and Covid was just the beginning of my self-improvement. Therefore, I forgive myself for all of my past wrongdoings because I was a different person two years ago and even two months ago than I am today.
I’m so proud of who I am today.
I can look in the mirror every day and sleep peacefully every night because I know I always stand in my truth. I live my life with transparency and go after what I want.
Can everyone else say the same?
The only way to truly explain 2020 is by comparing it to a one-night stand: unsanitary, impossible to forget, and something you’ll be able to joke about with your friends at a later date.
That being said, I'm glad it's over, and I'm ready to embrace the person I've become this year.