Closure is a complex, sucky, but yet necessary concept. Although you never know when it's going to strike, sometimes it appears in the strangest of places.
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People get rejected all the time. The worst part is you never know when or where it can strike. It can happen when you're head over heels for your significant other of seven years, when you're involved in a three-week situationship, or even a thirty-second flirting session. Literally, you never freaking know.
Regardless of the attachment level, rejection fucking sucks.
As much as the rejection fucking sucks, it's what happens after the rejection that sometimes hits the hardest.
The cliche of closure.
We humans, for some stupid reason, desire a need to know where things went wrong.
Was it the way I put the dishes away?
Did I smell like beef and cheese the last time we hooked up?
Did I not say "I love you" enough?
Seeking closure is essentially a hunt for answers. We want to know where, when, and why things went wrong in order to resolve the painful feelings created by rejection and loss (even if you talked to the person for 10 seconds).
Until we solve this mysterious ambiguity, our mortal minds have trouble moving on. This is why we crave closure.
Sometimes closure can be hard to happen on it's own, so you have to make it yourself.
Although it can be hard to move on from an ex, sometimes it's the little things in life that reassure you you're not missing out on much. If you can't find closure, you might have to make it.
Here are some moments where people got sheer closure from the one who left you on seen. Hopefully, these will inspire some closure epiphanies of your own.
A bad haircut.
"This guy and I had a thing where he always told me he would never date me. Of course, I thought I could change that. Despite hooking up for a while, no dates were on the agenda. Two years later, after things fizzled out, we bumped into each other and he was a skinhead. No more running my hands through his hair. The closure I didn’t know I needed appeared as the feelings I denied evaporated."
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Their new job.
"We were never 'properly' together but I deeply cared for her. After a period of severe mental health woes, she became a sex worker. No shame to sex workers, get that bread. However knowing her, I knew this career was not a healthy path for her. I tried to assist her in seeking help and resources for her mental strains rather than distracting herself with this new job, but she adamantly told me to fuck off. After this, all I could hear was Ru Paul’s mantra, 'If you don’t love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else.' I realized she didn’t even care about herself, so I knew she didn’t care about me. As much as it hurt, I knew it would affect my own mental health if I keep the door open."
Their Facebook views.
"He never texted me back. He started making Facebook statuses that went directly against my political beliefs and ideologies. No thank you. Also, Facebook is dead."
They got arrested.
"Like my grandmother always said, 'Show me your friends, I’ll tell you who they are.' This guy and I were talking and I knew his friends weren't the greatest to be around. After a while, things fizzled out, but I couldn't move on for some reason. He was like a piece of shit stuck to the bottom of my shoe. Eventually, I found out he and his friends were arrested for beating a guy up (for no reason). Thankfully seeing this anger streak made me feel an emotion he never made me feel; scared. Being sacred was just what I needed to wipe the shit off my shoe."
(Image from Giphy)
The new girl.
"His next girlfriend was a wholesome Bree Van Dee Kamp type. And a horse girl. He never would have brought me home to his parents and I’m not someone to be ashamed of or hidden. Simply, I could never be on your arm. I am not getting the Pretty Woman treatment. Seeing him with a complete opposite girlfriend as me made me realize that we weren't a good fit."
The way she treated my family.
"A few months after we broke up we attended a big event separately with our parents. She snubbed my mom. After that, I realized we were never getting back together. Like Ever. Nobody disrespects my momma."
His best friend.
"After we called it quits, his best friend kept coming up to me talking crap. And flirting with me. Just a bunch of mixed signals and red flags. I didn’t want to be around his dickhead best friend any more than I needed to be, so I called it quits on rekindling the flame."
(Image from Giphy)
"I had lost some parts of me just to impress him. He didn’t even like me after all that. I finally realized who I am and more importantly, my worth. I don't need to spend my time with someone who doesn't even like me for me."
"I wore a dress that I never would have worn around him. All the subtle manipulations and control hit me like a train. At least I looked hot during this epiphany."
The eventual date.
"He was all talk about what date he would bring me on and blew me off the whole time. Eventually, when it happened, I realized everything about him was all talk."
(Image from Wix)
Unfortunately, closure is usually a complex and necessary part of moving on. You never know when it'll happen. When it does strike, it's a feeling of liberation like no other. It's like a dark cloud disappearing over your head. Sheer clarity, like walking on air. When you're not looking for answers anymore you can look for new questions.