Red, Yellow, Green: Know Your Fling Flags

Whether it be their shower products or their go-to Mario Kart character, some things are just dealbreakers.

Image from GQ

Diving into a new relationship or situationship ain’t easy. Especially if it’s with someone you just met. Although a complete stranger can be refreshing and exciting, they’re also a complete stranger.


It’s easy in a new relationship to believe whatever your partner says. Why wouldn’t you? Questioning everything they say would probably leave you alone on a Friday night watching Titanic for the thirty-seventh time. However, there’s a fine line between believing what they say and believing some bullshit.


So, how do you weed through the bullshit?
The answer is hidden in the flags.

Flags are indicators. They reveal little hints about a person’s true character. (Not the ‘cool’ version of themselves you just met at the bar). Flags can also help you discover what you really want in a relationship. Introspection is necessary when it comes to setting up boundaries for your dating life. Ultimately, flags help navigate the choppy waters of new relationships.


Here are the three colored flags to help navigate the confusing world of dating:


Green Flag: Green means go! Green flags are things a person does that make you want to keep them around. These flags signal that the person you’re getting to know is actually a decent human being. When these green flags arise, know that you can confidently keep things moving along.


Yellow Flag: Proceed with caution. Yellow flags aren’t bad enough to call off the next date, but they do make you double-take at a person’s true character. You can definitely continue when they arise—maybe just continue at a slower pace.


Red Flag: You’re probably familiar with the term “red flag”. Essentially, it means stay THE FUCK away. Steer clear of the area. Cancel the date and do not reschedule. Red flags are signs to stop what you’re doing before the relationship advances too far.


Below are a few examples of these flags. Now, keep in mind, flags are not a universal standard. The following are simply experiences myself and my friends have had, and we think they say a lot about people. Feel free to start your own list of flags and do with the information as you please!


Shower Care Products

Image from WIX

Red: If your fuck buddy uses a three-in-one product (shampoo/conditioner/body wash), it’s best to end things and end things quickly. Although three-in-one products “get the job done” (direct quote from a red-flagger)—uh, they shouldn’t. Bodywash is not conditioner. Conditioner is not shampoo. Shampoo is not body wash. End of story. Three-in-one products could signal that a person doesn’t value self-care or never learned how to properly shower.


Yellow: Two-in-one shampoo/conditioner combo. Although better than a three-in-one, it’s still not great.


Green: If you see conditioner, shampoo, and body wash in their bathroom, they’re a keeper. Having these products shows they value self-care and cleanliness. Skincare products are a bonus.


How They Treat Dogs

Image from WIX

Red: If someone treats a dog like shit, they probably aren’t treating you much better. Dogs are the cutest, most innocent creatures on the planet. How could you be mean to a dog? It’s a dog! The way someone treats cute little puppers is a surefire indicator of their true character.


Yellow: Being mean to a dog is completely unacceptable. However, ignoring a dog is a little different. (It’s not much better though.) If you see someone whiz past a fluffer without any acknowledgment, keep that in the back of your mind.


Green: If your boo sees a dog and does the following, they’re a keeper:

  • Stops/pets the dog

  • Gets them food/water

  • Plays with them

  • Doggo talks to them

  • Gives them a treat

  • Gets on the ground to say hi

Because dogs are freaking dogs, if your boo shows a dog attention, it shows that they have at least have a heart.


Uber/Lyft Rating

Image from BBC

Red: <4 stars. Not even sure if this is possible, but if you see it—major red flag. More than a few negative incidents need to happen in order to have this low of a rating.


Yellow: 4-4.5 stars. A questionable history is okay. Maybe one of their friends vomited in the Uber on the way home or wouldn’t stop playing ‘Baby Shark’’ on repeat. Shit happens. As long as shit doesn’t keep happening, everything is okay.

Green: >4.5-5 stars. This high rating is a tell-tale sign that your significant other is somewhat of a decent human being. Or maybe they just don’t Uber or Lyft


The Shopping Cart Theory

Image from WIX

Feel free to check out this experiment here, but basically, conclusions can be drawn from whether or not a person returns a shopping cart after using it. Returning the shopping cart essentially tests the person’s capacity for self-governing good. Bringing it back is easy and convenient, but not necessary. Nothing is to be gained from returning it, so when someone returns it, it’s because they know it’s the right thing to do.


Red: They don’t. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but it shows that person may have a hard time doing what’s right when no one is watching.


Green: They do. This shows that the person has a sense of decency, kindness, and/or common courtesy ingrained in them. There aren’t any laws saying they must return the cart, but it shows the person will do what’s right without being forced to do it.


Mario Kart Characters

Image from Worldtopthing

Red: If they chose any of the following, drop their ass. They either don’t know how to play Mario Kart or have some unresolved childhood trauma.

  • Bowser Jr

  • Baby Mario

  • Wario

  • Baby Peach

  • Waluigi

Yellow: If these characters are chosen, there may be some trust issues popping up in the future. However, it depends on how well they play.

  • Toad

  • Donkey Kong

  • Bowser

  • Mario

  • Luigi


Green: Who doesn’t love these characters? It’s an automatic dub.

  • Koopa Troopa

  • Yoshi

  • Peach

  • Dry Bones

  • Rosalina

 

So, before you start your next relationship, find your flags. Decide on your dealbreakers. Establish where you’re willing to bend and where you need to break. Creating your own flag system will help you understand what you’re truly looking for in a partner, and—most importantly—teach you how to recognize those flags when you see them waving in the wind.