It's finally time to ~get it on~ but before you get down to business, there are a few things you want to remember. Below lies a checklist to make sure you're ready for whatever the night has in store.
(Image from Tiege Hanely)
Have you ever had a BIG NIGHT? You know what I mean. Maybe you’ve been chatting up some lovely young female at the bar or maybe you and your girl have been talking for a while and tonight is going to be the night. Are you ready? Like really ready? Have you taken every measure to ensure that it all goes well? Well, just in case, here’s a checklist to make sure you got it all locked down. No time for laziness.
Rule Number One, You’re Number One.
Before we go any further, we have to make sure you, yourself, are ready. Head to toe and not an inch neglected.
Jump in the shower, get the soap in every corner, and crevice. Make sure you come out cleaner than a brand new bar of soap and smelling even better.
For those who want to, let’s tidy up that body hair. If you’re going clean, let’s make sure we use that fresh new razor, lather the shaving cream, and cut clean. No time for nicks. When cleaning it up, make sure you're being careful. Ya don’t wanna lose the goods before you use ‘em.
(Side note: the concept of body hair is so taboo... here's another mud article to check out why there's no shame in letting that garden grow)
(GIF from Google Images)
Let’s take care of ourselves here guys. We’ve almost made it out of the bathroom, but before we go, we have to take care of our hygiene. Deodorant, dental (brush, floss, rinse), nails, and hair. Don’t skip out. You don't want the one thing you forget to be what your partner remembers the most.
Do it right! The best way is to apply to dry and clean skin post-show and target your warm body points. Aim for areas like your neck, wrists, chest, and elbows. Surprisingly a spray or two around the ankles is a good place too. Avoid rubbing it in and really let those smells soak in. Don’t be corny and spray into the air and walk through it. This isn't the middle school locker room.
(GIF from Google Images-Don't Do This)
While you're home, set the scene.
If you are planning on bringing that lucky someone home, let’s make sure they aren’t walking into a horror show.
Sheets and pillowcases cleaned recently or are there still stains there from a year ago? Listen, I’m not saying you have to clean everything every time someone comes, but if it’s been too long to remember the last time they were changed or cleaned, it's best to freshen up.
Plain sight scan.
Are there tissues, empty water bottles, or any garbage sitting on your dresser or nightstand? Throw them out! Don’t want them to think you're a slob or at least know you are one for the time being!
(GIF from Google Images)
Smell it up!
I know our noses get used to smells over time, but they are definitely noticeable to other people. Let’s keep up with the good impression! Spray some air freshener, light a candle, or use a plug-in. (Be cautious of the candle, don’t want to return to a charred-up house and waste all this work!)
Don't forget the essentials.
Condoms, lube, etc. that you want to bring to 'the show', make sure they're nearby. Have your 'essentials' ready to go, that way you're not fumbling around. There's no time to waste when it comes to business.
Prep Your Partner
Yes, they are just as involved in this process as you are!
Heads Up and Consent!
While we are talking about asking, let’s make sure it isn’t a surprise that the Über is going back to your crib! Not trying to scare anyone away. Always talk it out and make sure you get that magic word before you do anything: YES!
Lastly, it’s not always going to work out, so be prepared if it doesn’t. No reason to be frustrated or not do any of this because it might not. I always lived by the rule of it’s best to be prepared and not need it, then need it and not be prepared. Be smart and be safe, and always do the right thing, gentlemen!