How to Make Adult Friends If You're Alone in a New City

Contrary to all the TV shows you watch, finding your next friend group takes more than just stepping outside. Here are our best tips to find your people.

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The thrill of a fresh start in a new city is intoxicating. It’s a blank canvas, a world of possibilities. But beneath the excitement often lies a quiet dread: the daunting task of building a social circle from scratch.

In high school and college, friendships came much easier. All it took was sitting next to someone in class or living across the hall from them. Now, in the 'real world,' it's harder to make connections. You're thrown into a pool of random people who may not be interested in making friends, and whose identities and interests are a complete enigma.

Making friends as an adult is less about luck and more about strategy. Life is rarely like the shows you watch, where the main character simply steps outside and meets the person who will be there for the rest of their lives.

1. Know Yourself to Know The City

Before diving headfirst into the social scene, take a moment to reflect. What are your passions? What kind of connections do you crave? Are you seeking a platonic soulmate, someone who's also new to the city, or simply a group to grab brunch and go out with? Once you've defined your ideal social circle, it’s time to explore where you are. What does your city offer? Don't be afraid to visit the places you hope to experience with your future friends. After all, it's possible you meet someone there who is also looking to meet people.

2. Start Your Search in Social Media

Our generation exists as much on the internet as we do IRL. Your online presence can be a powerful tool to make friends, and an easy and comfortable place to begin your search. Instagram, Bumble BFF, and TikTok are filled with people seeking connections, making it less embarrassing to reach out and say, 'Hey, are you looking for friends? Because me too.'

Cold-DMing a stranger on IG is not the only way, though. You can search book clubs, running clubs, and even social mixers for solo attendees. Believe me, there are endless organizations that plan events specifically tailored to people who are looking for friends. You're not alone in this.

3. Pretend You're Someone Else (At Least at the Beginning)

This advice might sound misleading at first, but bear with me. When you move to a new place, there’s often a part of the old you that you want to leave behind. Maybe you were labeled as the 'mom' or 'dad' friend, or perhaps your college group only went to bars and clubs, and that’s not your scene anymore. It’s perfectly fine to reinvent yourself—everyone does it.

But social anxiety is very real, especially when you’re trying to make new friends. One trick I’ve learned is to play pretend. Imagine the person you want to be, in your own authentic way, and even though you’re not there yet, act like them. Put on a show. Deliver your best performance. It’s like a modern version of 'fake it ’til you make it,' but this time, you’re performing as yourself while you get comfortable being yourself.

This strategy can help you start new conversations, approach people who might seem intimidating, and handle rejection better than you normally would. Just don’t go full Anna Delvey—the goal is to ease into your authentic self, not become someone entirely fake.

4. Don't Abandoned Your Old Circle

When moving somewhere new, it’s easy to lose touch with your friends back home or your college friend group. Even if you’re ready to reinvent yourself and start fresh, don’t neglect your old friends. They can be a much-needed source of support while you find your footing in a new city. Whether they moved back home or to a new place as well, sharing your experiences navigating the social scene can make you feel less alone. Regular check-ins with old friends can provide emotional support and a sense of continuity.

5. Focus on Experiences

Shared experiences are the foundation of strong friendships. Explore your city's outdoor markets, attend art galleries, and go to concerts on your own. While college can feel like a bubble, the real world is actually is less serious. If you go to the movies alone or decide to have a drink by yourself at a bar, trust me, no one cares. Sometimes, it's the perfect opportunity to strike up a conversation with someone else who might also be flying solo.

6. Don't Be Afraid to Get Personal

Authenticity is refreshing, especially in a big city. Sharing personal anecdotes or being vulnerable can lead to deeper connections. People are drawn to those who are genuine and relatable. Your feelings can validate someone else, and there's no better feeling than knowing others are going through the same things as you are.