Just because everyone is doing it doesn’t mean you need to!
During my freshman year of college, I experienced quite a culture shock. So many exciting things were happening. I was at a new school, had new friends, and dove into life head first. I was doing everything a stereotypical college student would... except having sex.
Did you know that once you get to college you’re all of a sudden expected to lose your virginity? Well, I sure fucking didn’t.
I had lived up to this point being completely okay with not having sex. I didn’t want to sleep with random people that I would never speak to again.
I wanted love, connection, and passion.
I wanted to give that part of myself to someone really special.
The last thing I wanted to do was to sleep with someone I wasn’t in a relationship with. My friends did. That worked for them—but it didn’t work for me.
Little to my knowledge, still being a virgin at 17 was taboo in the college scene. When my friends found out I was a virgin, immediately I became a target of peer pressure. Every time I would talk about if I was ready to lose my virginity, everyone got so excited and encouraged me to go for it. Now, encouragement is one thing—but this was different. It was almost as if there was this “club” that I couldn’t join because I wasn’t down to clown with a random frat boy.
I felt like an outcast.
I thought I was missing out on this huge life experience that should have happened already.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but, THERE IS NO TIMER COUNTING DOWN ‘TIL WHEN YOU NEED TO HAVE SEX!
It's important to remember that sex looks different for everyone, so use your own perception of what that means for you. It’s all about your comfort.
Throughout the year I was the target of so many jokes. On several occasions, I was exposed as a virgin at parties —definitely on the top 10 list of most embarrassing things to happen to me. I would always laugh it off but deep down I wished someone was there to say, “Hey, leave her alone. She will have sex when she’s ready.”
I had to be that person for myself. Every time the situation would occur I said to myself, “stay true to who you are”. And honestly, I’m glad I did. I would walk away from the situation because I knew it was better than to be peer pressured into something I wasn’t ready to do.
While I am still friends with these individuals, we did have a conversation about how their comments made me uncomfortable. I was able to learn that communication is key in every type of relationship—sexual or not!
Sex is very personal. If you want to have sex, go for it!
Obviously, make sure it’s consensual on both ends.
When it came time for me to lose my virginity, I got everything I could have wanted. I was with someone that I was falling in love with, who didn’t pressure me at all.
Not once did I regret my decision like I had witnessed so many of the people in my circle freshman year.
Needless to say, have sex when you are ready. If you don’t want to, that is OKAY. It’s a choice that absolutely no one but you can make.
Stay true to yourself. When the time is right, you won’t question if you’re ready, you’ll know.
~Trust the good vibes and spread all the love