Was abstinence the only thing you learned in your 8th-grade sex-ed class? Well, you're not alone. Below lies a list of sex tips I've acquired along my journey of life.
From outdated VCR educational tapes, diagrams, and awkward discussions, THE SEX TALK day is always shadowed in infamy. It seems like year after year, it's the punchline to all of the 8th graders. Me and the guys’ experience was no different as joke after joke came along. But why?
The answer is simple. Because all we knew about sex at the time was the bullshit our friends’ older brothers would reference, which essentially made us experts in the field, right? What could we actually learn? Besides the “talk” was more of an anatomy lesson anyway. Most of us were just years away from achieving ‘adulthood’ and this was our preparation?
(Mean Girls (2004)- Coach Carr gives "The Talk")
Hopefully (and I stress hopefully) most of us have figured out what we are doing. But still to this day I can’t help but acknowledge that talk, where I was basically taught that sex is bad and that abstinence is good. I feel both me and my eventual partners would have been both served better had ‘the talk’ been a little deeper. And it didn’t have to be about positions or ‘insider knowledge’, but obviously sex is so much more than that.
So, what I didn’t learn:
Sex Isn’t Scary
For some people, there is an uneasiness when thinking about sex. Whether it be from a first-timer, someone with little experience, or even those who might have had a bad encounter with it. But sex is supposed to be fun and pleasurable. It is supposed to fulfill both our needs and desires. Definitely worth the hype!
Practice Makes Perfect
Definitely, one of the biggest anxieties people face when they start their sexual careers, is the expectation to be good. Nobody is a pro right away. It is going to be awkward and a little uncoordinated. No need to feel embarrassed either. They’ve already seen all of you!
Enjoy the Journey Not Just the Destination
I feel that the lesson here is pretty self-explanatory. But just to elaborate, focusing on the big finish completely distracts from the actual fun. The time getting to the end is the good part. Don’t take it for granted.
Everybody (and Every Body) is Different
Everyone has different needs in bed. Likes, dislikes, timing, turn-ons, kinks, etc. Being able to work with, talk it out and adjust is definitely a step in the right direction. Just be mindful that people’s bodies behave and react to stimuli differently. Nobody is perfect, just have fun and take that into account when hitting the sheets.
Communication
As you can tell it is a common theme throughout, communicating is very important. Like everything in life, communication is key. With sex, it is no different. It is pretty much essential for it to be satisfying and safe. Talking about it before, during, and after, can only enhance the experience. If you don’t like something your partner (or partners, however you rock) is doing, why wouldn’t you address it so you can move on to something you do like? Nobody is a mind reader, so speak up, tell them what you like and want, and it will be that much better.
Consent
Probably the most important thing outside of the act itself is consent. Understanding when consent is and isn’t given or even if it can be given is imperative. As discussed, communication is very important especially when it comes to this matter. Understanding and hearing consent and not just assuming, is a fine line and it matters. Knowing how drugs and alcohol can affect the consent rules is also major. Just as a rule of thumb, if its anything but a yes, it’s a no.