One of the downsides to being an over-thinker is perceiving situations in a way that just doesn’t line up with reality. I’m very quick to assume things like, “Oh they like this person better than me” or “I wish I compared to them and their personality.” It’s so weird how our brains can convince us that these things are facts. Sometimes I wish I could write, “It’s not that deep” on a bandaid and stick it to my brain and my heart.
I’ve always always been a people pleaser and an over-thinker. I evaluate myself in almost every situation and basically give myself either brutal or good feedback afterwards. In reality though, I’m just a soft spoken individual that doesn’t need to be in the spotlight at all times. I confuse this with believing I don’t measure up to those that love receiving attention and being the life of the party. Don’t get me wrong, I have these moments myself, but most of the time, I wish I could change my temperament. But.. it’s almost physically impossible.
I haven’t seen myself as “quiet” since high school. My confidence has skyrocketed, but there is still some insecure residue from my past that lingers and introduces itself again from time to time.
A couple nights ago, I confided in one of my most understanding friends at college. I basically released a weight that has been on my chest, confessing that I feel a little overpowered sometimes in group settings and overthink about how much I’m saying or not saying. Her words allowed me to understand that absolutely no one views me in the ways that I might think. More people love the way you are than you might believe:
“Yes, believe me, I understand. You are me and I am you haha… the laid back, chilled out, big hearted person. I see it, I appreciate it & I love you just the way you are. I wouldn’t change it in the slightest bit. You can say one word & I know it is coming from a caring & loving place. Don’t stress or worry it. I relate to you more than you realize.”
Basically, I've learned it's more important to be kind than making sure every single person is aware of your presence.
It was such a small little text and moment, but I teared up knowing that people don’t view me in the critical ways that I sometimes view myself. And of course I know this on my own, I do. But hearing it from another person never fails to lift spirits. It’s easy to fall into a pit of insecurity BUT just remember that if you could see yourself through other people’s eyes, things would look a lot brighter.
This might seem like a rant of emotions, but this piece is for anyone that sometimes questions what they truly mean to other people. I promise that the reality you might entrench yourself in sometimes is not true. Your friends are your friends for a reason. You have something inside of yourself that they love and need in their lives. Knowing that other people see your character and appreciate it is one of the most important things to me, and I know that this is important to others as well. So, sometimes all it takes is someone close to you to bring you back up again.
It’s kind of funny because she doesn’t even know how much that text released a weight off of me. That’s another thing, always make sure to reassure your friends. More times often than not, they need it.