A person can be in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
For most of my life, I’ve been the type of gal who wears their heart on their sleeve. It didn’t matter how much someone hurt me, I always forgave them regardless of the situation.
Sophomore year of college I lost my two closest friends. I thought the world was ending. I was miserable without them, staying up late crying, asking the universe why I was alone. My mom had always taught if you love someone set them free if they come back it was meant to be. So, that’s exactly what I did.
After a few months, they both separately reached out exclaiming that they wanted to talk about the situation that happened between us.
I was afraid. I didn’t know if I was ready to let people back into my life after we had hurt each other so much. But I did and it was the best decision I’ve ever made.
Letting someone back into your life can make you vulnerable and it’s scary, but it can also be beautiful.
Here’s how I came to the realization that letting people from my past back into my life was the right decision for me.
I was in a good mental headspace
Losing someone you love can be super hard. It becomes really straining as there are hundreds of unanswered questions. After my friends reached out to me, I asked myself if I was ready. I thought long and hard about if I was mentally stable enough to open up the past.
I asked myself questions such as:
Will I be upset if this goes badly?
Do I really want to salvage this relationship?
Will this be helpful or harmful to my mental health?
After I answered these questions, I was able to determine that I was in a good place to reopen the thought of letting them back into my life.
Make sure that you are truly ready to hash out the differences between you. Hurt people hurt people—take some time and space until you feel mentally prepared to battle the past. Your mental health comes first!
Respect
During this time in my life, I didn’t have a lot of respect for myself. It got to the point where I didn’t realize what was happening until I lost the people I cared about the most.
I’d let people walk all over me regardless of if the situation was harmful to me or not. This caused a gap between my friends and I. No matter how many times they tried to look out for my best interest, my fear of disappointing others took control.
Over the years, respecting myself and the boundaries I set in my relationships has become extremely important to me.
If someone isn’t going to work with the boundaries I put in place for us, then it’s not a relationship I’m going to fight for.
When I considered reopening the door to let individuals back into my life, I knew I had to go into it with a great deal of courtesy for myself and for them. We were three people that hurt each other greatly, but we were also best friends, and the conflict we endured didn’t change the love we had for each other.
Going into the situation with respect for one another helped us to mutually understand our faults and what we needed to change in our relationships. When my friends approached me with a lot of respect and understanding I knew letting them into my life again was the right choice.
When making your decision, be aware of the mutual respect between you, as it is a key component for any relationship.
Intentions
Knowing your intentions before walking into a situation is extremely important. When I sat down and talked with my friends for the first time after our “best friend break-up” I had a clear picture of what I wanted.
One of the first things we said to each other, after apologizing for our mistakes, was that we wanted to work towards the friendship we once had. We were collectively aware that our wrongs needed to be made right. None of this was going to happen overnight, but we moved forward with every intention to fix our relationship.
If you don’t believe you or the other person has good intentions for rekindling your friendship, it might not be worth it. And that’s okay. Sometimes people come into our lives to teach us lessons and give us life experiences.
No matter what choice you make, do what’s best for you!
It’s completely okay to say, “We had some great times but this isn’t a relationship I want anymore.” As long as you are respectful and honest with yourself and the other person, you can’t go wrong.
~Trust the good vibes and spread all the love,
Soph