Just call me Lana Del Rey....
Listen. I know what you’re thinking. But before you all come at me, I want to start off by saying:
IT. WAS. A. JOKE.
Basically, I was getting bored and decided to change my Tinder bio.
My old one was simple: “Guess my zodiac sign and I’ll give you a kiss.”
It was funny, flirty, and represented my obsession with astrology. So it should have been perfect, right?
At first it was okay, but surprise, surprise, having dozens of men say that you seem like a Pisces gets old pretty quickly (I’m obviously a Taurus fyi).
Sooo I decided it was time for a new, non-zodiac related bio.
The question was, what do I write?
Do I go with a simple, but effective quote from The Office? Too basic.
What about a funny joke about my never ending love for Timothee Chalamet? Been there, done that.
I was about to give up and just pick a generic Taylor Swift lyric when it hit me.
‘Just lost my AirPods, so if there’s any Sugar Daddies out there hit me up.’
It was perfect.
I mean come on, you've got to give me credit. It was a pretty good line. At the very least, it was going to get attention. And it did. Just not the right kind.
Imagine my surprise after writing a funny bio and then coming back 20 minutes later to find out that I've been banned from the app. No warnings, no explanations, just straight up banned. Let’s just say it wasn’t a great feeling.
Now you might be thinking, "What’s wrong with this girl? Obviously, that was going to get her banned..."
Well, I’ll admit, sometimes, I lack in critical thinking skills. And secondly, like I said before:
I WAS KIDDING!!!
Was I actually looking for a Sugar Daddy on Tinder? No. But I had just lost my AirPods the night before, and those things are pretty damn expensive. Especially for a broke college girl with an online shopping addiction.
So would it have been the worst thing in the world if I by chance matched with a wealthier gentleman willing to buy me some new AirPods in exchange for my, ahem, affections? I don’t think so! In fact, I might have even been excited by the idea. Still, I never meant to get banned.
This brings us to my current situation. Still banned from Tinder, still haven’t found my AirPods, and still, no Sugar Daddy.
Since it doesn’t seem like Tinder will be letting me back on anytime soon, I’ve decided to make the switch to Bumble. This time, without the controversial bio.
Bumble is great, but I’ve got to be honest, I miss Tinder. And in the off chance someone from the app gets ahold of this, I want the truth on record:
I’m so sorry. I never should have made that sugar daddy joke. I was desperate and stupid but I learned my lesson. Promise. Please, pretty please, let me back on your app. I’m so single it hurts. I swear I’ll never joke about Sugar Daddies ever again. Pinky promise.
Hopefully, my apology works. In the meantime, any Tinder users who are thinking about trying to find a Sugar Daddy, believe me, it’s not worth it. I’ve learned my lesson and I‘ve learned it the hard way.
But FR if anybody out there wants to help me out and get me those AirPods...let me know ;-)