Feb 28, 2021

Taking a Lesson From Every Toxic Person in My Life

Finding the positives in the negatives and embracing them.

People are the same wherever you go. Narcissists, homewreckers, critics, and heartbreakers; they litter our earth and hold enough toxicity to destroy themselves, along with everyone and anyone in their path.

The negativity they project is life altering, excruciatingly painful to deal with, and undeniably creates the most strenuous roadblocks to get past.

Sometimes it’s hard to find the redeeming qualities in people that cause so much chaos. It’s difficult to feel okay with the fact that you’ve wasted time trying to fix them or trying to help them see the beauty that exists in this world when they’re only capable of seeing the ugly.

There’s a point where you have to stop trying to change people and take a close look at the impact they’ve had on you. Comb through the trauma and the damage they’ve inflicted to see what reasonably positive message you can take from them.

This is the only way I’ve been able to move on from the people who have hurt me.

High School "Friend":

You nicknamed me “fatty” because you thought it was funny, always following the insult up with “I’m kidding” or an obnoxious laugh. I told you I didn’t like it because it wasn’t true. You didn’t stop because it made you feel more confident in yourself.

That word played over and over in my head for a while when I looked at myself in the mirror before I realized that a “friend” would never induce verbal pain in order to feed their own ego. Now, all I see when I look in the mirror is beauty.

When I slept over your house, you spent hours talking to random guys online and thrived off of bragging about each new guy of the week.

I felt left out when I wasn’t talking to any guys, but now I would rather do anything else.

For a while, I cared a lot about what people thought of me. I couldn’t give less of a shit now.

Thank you for helping me realize that my opinion of myself is the only one that truly matters.

First Hookup:

I liked that you were older than me. You found my maturity attractive and spoke differently than anyone I had previously talked to. The Lakers were playing when we had sex.

You talked about your ex when it was over and told me you weren’t ready for a relationship. I felt used, slutty, and taken advantage of.

I was ashamed that I showed you my body before realizing how proud of myself I should be instead. Being comfortable enough in my own skin to want to take that step with someone is a huge deal.

Thank you for helping me realize the deep love I have for myself and my body, and leading me to develop a renewed sense of confidence.

Dad:

In sixth grade, I saw you throw back a can of Bud Light. My parents never drank. I needed to use your stapler for a school project so I asked you if I could borrow it while you hid the empty can behind your back, thinking I didn’t see it.

I see staplers differently now, so I use tape instead.

In ninth grade, you called me a “snowflake” when I decided it was okay to wear my heart on my sleeve.

I used to feel embarrassed; now I feel empowered.

The summer before my freshman year of college, my parents got divorced. After barely surviving my childhood plagued by your addiction, you said,

I’m sorry if I hurt you.

The “if” angered me at first because you never actually owned up to the fact that you did hurt me. You hurt us all. But I forgive you.

You taught me that people won’t always act with my best interest at hand. That feeling comfortable with being vulnerable is a gift. That I don’t need to hear an apology from anyone in order to allow myself to forgive.

Thank you for making me who I am today, because I’m stronger than ever.

You can spend your whole life hating them, crying over them, and feeling uncomfortable with yourself because of how they affected you, but that doesn’t change anything.

In the end, it harms you more than it heals you.

Something good comes out of every bad person, situation, and thing on this planet.