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  • MUD

I'm Tired of Being a Good Person

by Jason Reed


This is the douchiest thing to say, but I'm so fucking tired of being a good person. 

Every day, I wake up and greet the sun with a smile, even though the sun has affecting people's skin and playing as a second agent to global warming (which is our fault, of course). The sun doesn't care about these things, though. 

If I was four hundred thousand miles long, I probably wouldn't care either. 

I cook breakfast at home – Eggos and chocolate milk. If I'm feeling generous, I’ll leave some out on the table for my housemates. Who knows what time they'll wake up, but if I were them, seeing waffles on the table would be a great start to the day. 

Before I leave, the neighbor's cat sneaks into the house. I chase him for five minutes before I catch him, and bring him back to his family. They don't say “thank you” anymore, just good morning. 

I hop into my car and I realize I'm late. Great. I speed past the empty streets, but go back to the speed limit as soon as I spot other cars or people around me. I don't curse at the stranger who runs a red light, even when they almost crash into my car and the one next to me. 

Karma will get him. It's not your business, J. 

I drive into school and of course, there's no parking spots. Cars are parked illegally. Somehow, the ones without stickers have taken all the good spots. I don’t curse then either. 

Maybe they needed it, J. You never know what's going on in other people's lives. 

I finally find a parking spot, then rush to class which is across campus. When I barge through the door, the teacher shakes his head at me. I smile. He's right. It doesn't matter why I'm late, it just matters that I'm late. 

Class goes by smoothly. Towards the end of class, I get a text from my housemate.

Dude. You left your food out again and now there are ants. Jesus, don't you know how to clean after yourself?