How To Deal With Your Jerk Landlord

Landlords: can’t live with them or without them. Here’s how you deal with them.

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It was Sunday morning after a long night of bad decisions when I heard a knock on my door. I ignored it at first, but then heard several more knocks. I threw my sheets to the side and stomped out into the living room where I saw my housemates circled around our property manager like a team waiting for a pregame speech.

Fuck.

We received a long lecture with awkwardly intense eye contact throughout its duration about a party we had thrown that week.

Did we fuck shit up? Yes. Make a mess? Yes. But this is my issue:

Our landlord had seen our antics through his outdoor “security” cameras. The next few days he sent way too many overly formal texts to our house group chat about things that had to be picked up and cleaned - like we didn’t know.

Then, he sends his right hand man up to bitch at us again while he sits atop his pile of money on Long Island.

Fucking jerk.

We still get annoying texts and we get in trouble often, but we’re still living, partying and having a good time.

I know this situation isn’t exclusive to only me. As long as there has been landlords there have been tenants that talk shit about them in their home.

Here are some tips so you don’t end up homeless.

Actually pay the rent on time

Seems obvious, I know. But this is so easy - whether it’s your money or your parents - just get it to your landlord on time. Maybe even a week early if you’re feeling motivated - which I doubt.

Just make your landlord happy here. Maybe they’ll be more understanding when you trash their place.

Be kind with the landlord - even when they are being a total douche

Say your landlord sends a long, lengthy text about cleaning up the house with the tone of your mother. How would you respond? Keep that same energy? No. Tell them to fuck off? Hell no.

It may be hard for tenants to accept, but you’re nothing more to your landlord than gum on his shoes. So, stay calm and accept your role in the situation. Just respond to their complaints with an apology that would come from a maid if she stepped on a billionaires shoe.

Be a little sneaky

I’m not saying lie to your landlord's face or anything, but I’m not telling you not to. I can’t tell you when or how to do this, but you’ll know.

Really, just keep your landlord happy while you live your life and all should be good (somewhat).