By sharing experiences, you realize that you are not alone and that sexual anxiety is pretty standard. Below lies insight from five men who feel under pressure (not the good kind...) during sex.
(Image from Irish Times)
Imagine seeing the person you really like and it's the moment you get down to business. The thought makes you feel excited as hell. Okay, a bit anxious too.
I also feel under pressure sometimes, and I don't know anybody who has never worried about their sexual performance. Even if it was just a little bit.
But nerves are good! It means you care.
To get to the bottom of this performance anxiety, I interviewed some men to learn their worries and solutions on dealing with sexual anxiety.
Join me in this dickscourse!
Sexual anxiety is socially constructed.
All the guys I interviewed felt the pressure. Yet, the origins of it are varied. From boys' talk, porn, mistrust in the partner, and lack of self-esteem, sexual anxiety results from social expectations and individual experiences.
Talking it through.
My younger brother, 21, told me that he prefers talking about his fears with me
rather than with his friends. Talking with an older person you trust can be reassuring.
Also, G.A., 22, confirms that sexual anxiety is usually unspoken between guys, "The reason is that boys' talk can create a toxic environment. "
It is common for many guys to see sexual performance as a sports competition during teenage years: you have to be the best on the pitch! So even if your first time was bad, you wouldn't admit it. Who wants to be considered the worst player?
However, if you feel you can't openly talk about sexual anxiety with friends, perhaps you should look for new ones!
Only one guy, M.S., 22, said that he talked about it with friends.
How do guys ease sexual anxiety?
M.S. suggests focusing on eye contact or sports when he feels close to his orgasm.
Most men in his situation would focus on something other than sex.
G.A. 22 has a pretty straightforward method, worthy of the strictest military training.
He tells himself some words of wisdom,
"Shut the fuck up! Don't be a bitch.”
Porn and reality are two different things.
C.P., 21, says that the concept of dick size does not help either.
One of the main reasons people worry about their penis size stems from overexposure to porn. First, porn is not a good representation of reality. It can, of course, give you a helping hand, but actors are mostly selected based on their dicks’ sizes. Second, size might matter, but only for some women.
Finally, sex is much more than bare penetration!
Worries and how to help.
C.P. mentioned "Pressure also stems from the fear of having reputation damage after a bad sexual performance, which can lead partners to spread the word among common friends, ruining their chances with some other people. "
M.S. says: "I feel that a “main worry” during sex would be not performing up to expectations."
G.A. reports that his main worry, "Them not enjoying it."
Fear of being rejected is common, not only in sex. To prevent it, communication is
vital. If you are experiencing it before or during sex, remember that next to you lies naked, the person you like and likes you.
If it is your partner who is the one under pressure, tell him/her an encouraging sentence. Make them at ease.
Whether it is the impossibility to open up with friends, porn, or partner mistrust, the common thread is that they damage self-esteem and don't ease sexual anxiety.
How to prevent this?
Find someone you can openly talk to. If you can, talk about it even with the person you are seeing.
M.S. adds, "Speaking give some guys a better presence of mind to realize that they aren’t alone and sexual anxiety is pretty normal."
Try to see your partner as an equal companion. It's not a competition. They want to be pleased, but they want to please you too.
Once you are fully open about your struggle, you will enjoy sex more!
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