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Fuck Your Zodiac Sign, It’s All About Your Hogwarts House

If I can barely remember what I had for breakfast, the fuck makes you think I’m gonna remember my zodiac?

Here’s the deal with zodiacs…

I’ll say it for the people in the back, unless you’re a hardcore astrology buff (or just have too much time on your hands) no one gives a fuck about your zodiac sign. 

Before anyone jumps to conclusions, I don’t think zodiac signs hold no merit, they’re actually pretty cool. 

It’s awesome to know what the universe says about you, based on where the planets and stars were at the exact moment of your birth (there’s got to be some witchy aspect to it, I mean it’s the universe we’re talking about!). That being said, mainstream media makes it seem like your zodiac sign is just about your sun sign, and it’s not (Note: Your sun/rising sign is the one that comes up when you google your birthday). In order for you to get an accurate portrayal of your personality, you need to do an astrological natal chart. 

As a brief overview, a natal chart will tell you about your sun sign, your moon sign, the constellations in your other houses, and on, and on, and on. 

Feel lost? My point exactly!

You need ALL these things to really read a person, but all we ever do is give them our sun sign — which again, isn’t much if you don’t know the rest. The average person is more likely to have basic Hogwarts house knowledge than basic information on every zodiac sign.

And let's not forget the fact that there are so. Damn. Many. 

You’re telling me I have to keep track of my own zodiac shit and all the other signs too? No thanks pal, I think I’m good. 

Your Hogwarts house on the other hand? The most convenient shit today.

You have Gryffindor, for the brave and courageous,

Slytherin, for the ambitious and cunning,

Hufflepuff, for the hardworking and loyal,

and Ravenclaw, for the wise and curious. 

It’s four houses. That’s it. Just four. 

I have more fingers than that.

And the best part? None of them are overly complicated! 

The second I tell someone I’m a Slytherin, they immediately have an idea on two things: What my personality is like and what I value in myself. 

The terms are vague enough that you don’t box people into a category and automatically assume who they are in a given situation (like love, work, etc.) after all, Lockhart (a fuckin' idiot if we, the fandom, say so ourselves) was a RavenclawA RAVENCLAW!

At the very least, it’ll tell you what qualities someone values in their own life. They identify as a house because the qualities speak to something within their own personality, or something they wish to achieve. (If it was just based on who we were, Hermione would’ve been in Ravenclaw, no doubts about that!)

People are complex. So are zodiacs. So are our houses. 

So maybe we don’t have a billion fancy mythical creatures. And yes, the houses naturally come with their own rules and guidelines about who goes where and such — but news flash, we’re not at Hogwarts.

Truth be told, on some level, I didn’t really fuck with the original house system. 

I can say with 1,000% certainty that 11-year-old Draco Rose would’ve indeed been sorted into Hufflepuff. But 2020 Draco Rose? Slytherin all the way.

There were so many factors in my childhood that conditioned my personality to be what it was. Hell, it wasn't until later on in life that I'd really gotten to figure out who I was on my own (without people pressuring me to be something I wasn't). 

Why am I bringing this up? Because people are complex and always changing.

Even if our core roots stay the same, we’re also more than our dominant traits. Don’t be afraid to wave that dual-house card, or even just rank them for yourself! If you’re more of a Huffle-claw, or a Slyther-dor like me, then own that shit! 

Fuck your zodiac sign dude, it’s all about your hogwarts house!

*For those in the trans community who have found friends, family, and a home in the Harry Potter world, do not let ignorant words of discrimination and hatred destroy what you’ve created. In the words of Daniel Radcliffe, “If you have found anything in these stories that resonated with you and helped you at any time in your life — then that is between you and the book that you read, and it is sacred.” So have your theories, redefine characters to your will, and don’t let hatred squash your PRIDE! I hope I can create a safe space with my work and give you some of that power back. These stories are yours, never let anyone tell you otherwise. 

With strength and power, 

Draco Rose 


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