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  • MUD

Fuck Fuckboys

Ah, fuckboys. We all know them; we all hate them.

These boys are the WORST. In their eyes, girls' emotions are a game. Think Pokémon: gotta catch ‘em all. They reel you in with flattering compliments and flirty actions. They keep you close, but simultaneously at a far enough distance where you can't read their feelings.

Does the blue plaid bedspread ring a bell?

Fuckboys make you wonder: are there weekly meetings where they refresh themselves on cringey pickup lines and how to make a girl feel like shit about themselves? It’s possible.

They slide into your DMs first. But once they have you hooked? Suddenly, you're the crazy one. I was never “crazy” until I had an interaction with a fuckboy. Long story short, this boy showed interest in me. He made some moves, even told MY friends how much he liked me and how he saw a potential future with me. Then, I would be left in the dark for a couple weeks at a time and hear nothing from him.

This cycle repeated over a period of four months.

The mind games made me question myself, my actions, my thoughts, and my feelings. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have let it continue for so long. But that’s the core issue with fuckboys: they know how to play their cards just right. What I wish I realized sooner was that if he wanted to, he would. A boy with genuine interest makes his intentions and feelings clear.

LADIES, I’m saying this with my chest: NEVER let a fuckboy influence your self worth. You were great before them, and you’re better without them.

Fuckboys can only have the power we give them. Nothing enrages me more than when my friends–real life goddesses–get upset over a frat guy named Chad who looks like the human version of Shrek. I mean, are we really gonna cry over those losers? I know we’re better than that. So here’s what we’re gonna do: play their game right back.

If you’ve ever seen John Tucker Must Die, you know what I’m talking about. And if you haven’t, go watch it. The movie is about the revenge story of three girls, all getting played by the same guy–John Tucker. With the help of the new girl in school, they twist John Tucker’s games right back on him, and his reputation crumbles as a result. Seriously, if you’ve never seen it, do yourself a favor and go watch it.

Do what I did: go to a bar and make out with his friend right in front of him. That happened over a year ago, and even to this day, while I’ve been in a happy relationship, he’s still hung up on me.

It’s time the girls win. Take. No. Shit.

With that being said, please enjoy this list my friends and I compiled of pickup lines that will help you spot fuckboys from a mile away:

“Are you my big toe? Cuz I wanna bang you on my coffee table.”

“I usually go for 8s, but I guess I’ll settle for a 10.”

“Are you my appendix? Because this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.”

“Is that a phone in your back pocket? Because your ass is calling my name.”

“Titanic. That’s my icebreaker. What’s up?”

“Are you a cigarette? Because I wanna put your butt in my mouth.”

“You think u could fill out a survey for my work please?”

(← said survey)


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