Dropping the Handkerchief: Flirting Without Flirting
The best flirt makes you think it was their idea to buy you a drink.
Flirting is an art.
Some even use it as a game (guilty as charged). But flirting, and I mean quality flirting, takes practice. And no, asking your middle school crush to play spin the bottle does not count.
To effectively flirt, you have to understand the male (or female) mind. And when we’re young, most of us have two things in common: we love a chase and we love attention. These two things culminate to make the perfect form of flirting, one so subtle it leaves the other QUESTIONING if you’re flirting or not. All you have to do is give a signal of interest, and then they’ll come up to you.
Now I must admit, most of these I have learned because they have either been done to me (and worked), or I played around with different techniques in my escapades of frat houses and I’m telling you now which ones worked seamlessly. It was an interesting experimentation, which included many failures. I had absolutely no humility my freshman year. (Don’t tell a frat boy you’re trying to make out with one brother from each house, that one doesn’t work).
Sooo here are some fool-proof techniques I learned while a joyful member of the streets.
1. Compliment and Run
This worked on me at the first frat I ever went to…
If you see someone at a party or a bar who you think is cute, don’t go up to them and try to strike a conversation. Most of the time, they will know you’re trying to flirt and the entire concept of the ‘chase’ is gone. If you’re cute enough, they’ll take the attention, but you probably won’t get anything in return.
But again, that’s dependent on how hot you are.
What you do is find something you like about their appearance, walk up to them, compliment them on that feature, perhaps a lil touch on the shoulder… then leave.
A boy walked up to me at a party once, told me I had some of the prettiest eyes he’d ever seen, then walked away. I was shocked. He didn’t even try to talk to me. I was SO confused. But there are those two factors working… I got attention, and he started a chase. Fast forward half an hour and we were making out against the pool table. It wasn’t until months later I realized he TOTALLY planned that whole thing.
2. Ask a Favor
In my opinion, when people are asked to do a favor for someone else, they develop a sort of connection to that person.
You could ask them if they have a lighter on them, a bottle opener, where the bathroom is, etc. If you wanna add a little touch of the arm, that works too.
**Adding physical touch is always a good signal of interest**
Everyone likes to feel needed, and asking someone to do you a favor creates that sense of need. Especially when you’re in a social setting. If you walk up to someone they may think you are trying to flirt, but if you only ask them a favor, then leave or say ‘thank you’ and don’t speak to them again, it leaves them wondering. It’s kinda the same concept as our previous technique.
3. Eye Contact
Of course, this only works if they are looking at you as well. But it’s psychologically proven that eye contact can increase attractiveness. So if you want someone to come up to you, get their attention, make eye contact for THREE SECONDS.
Then look away. Chances are they’ll come up to you. You dropped the handkerchief; you gave them attention, and now they want a chase.
"When I look someone in the eye, like really look, I feel a strong connection. When I look a girl in the eye and she's staring back I wanna fuck her."
Did I say anonymous? Or is it really every man I've ever met. Lol.
4. Talk to the Friend
This may be the oldest trick in the book, taught to me gloriously by Matthew McConaughey in “Ghost of A Girlfriends Past”, but it works. Again, we’re playing on attention, and this time, on ego. If you find someone attractive, like, clearly the most attractive of the group… go up right next to him, and then talk to his friend. BLATANTLY flirt with him. Now, this could go one of two ways… he could be happy for his friend and play along, or, he will be so taken back you didn’t go for him that he will then pursue you.
Deprived of attention, so he begins a chase of validation.
Whether it be in person, on Snapchat, or on facetime, TEASE THEM. Make sure it’s about something minor. I’ve been told to “go back to the cows” because I live in a town with only 800 people. In response, I would tell him to go back to the Country Club, because he lived in a wealthy town. Fun stuff like that creates a kind of inside joke that brings you closer to that person.
Teasing also includes arguing. You know when you like someone, but you have opposing views, so you start arguing, but it’s so hard to argue because you can't help but smile at them? Yeah, that’s a part of teasing. An argument in a fun, respectful nature can actually bring two people closer. It builds trust, understanding, and comfort with the other person.
The more comfortable you are with someone, the better!
The last aspect of teasing is play fighting. From my experience, most boys try to get under your skin when flirting (I guess they think it’s cute when we’re mad) so playfully hitting them or nudging them while walking is a good sign to them that you’re interested.
Flirting is an art.
BUT, once you get the hang of it, it’s so easy and SO much fun. Honestly, it’s kinda like speaking a second language.
Actually, it is.
Once you learn to speak the language of the opposite sex, you know you’ve mastered flirting.
Yet, the most important part about flirting is to never judge yourself off where your efforts get you. A true expert in flirtation takes rejection just as well as they take a win. Know your worth and know that if they didn’t want you, someone else does.