Yes I ghost people, no I'm not proud of it.
This all started a few weeks ago when I was scrolling through Tinder for the millionth time. After swiping through hundreds of people, I eventually matched with a cute guy and we quickly started talking. Everything was going fine until he asked that terrible question:
'So do you want to go out sometime?'
I’m sure you must be thinking, ‘What’s wrong with that?’ And yes, technically there’s nothing wrong, after all, that’s what Tinder’s for. But here’s the thing. After he asked me out I completely panicked. I mean no response at all.
So yeah, that was kind of shitty of me.
Eventually, he must have gotten the hint because we ended up unmatching, but it got me thinking about how often I’ve done this to people before. So I started scrolling through some previous convos and I suddenly realized, ‘Holy shit I do this a lot.’
That leads us to my recent discovery….
Hello everyone my name is Sloan and I am a ghoster.
I’m not talking about the pale, spooky kind that pops up every Halloween (although I have been getting kind of pale tbh). I’m talking about the ‘disappear with zero explanation’ kind. The ‘wow you’re such an asshole, why would you do that to a person’ kind.
Source: GIPHY
It’s been super hard admitting that I ghost people. It’s been even harder figuring out why.
I’ve always been the type of person who cares too much about what others think. It’s like what the king himself John Mulaney once said:
"I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much."
-John Mulaney
Source: GIPHY
So the idea of someone getting to know me, like really know me is…..well...
Fucking Terrifying.
Because no matter how tempting it may seem to open up to someone, there’s always the possibility that they might not like what they see. So it’s easier for me to put on a fake smile, hold people at arm’s length, and ghost them when things start to get too real.
As shitty as it is to do to people, I’d rather be a ghost than open up to someone and get rejected.
That is until lately.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about the impact of being a ghost. Sure, it’s probably saved me from getting my heart broken a few times but...
Has it been worth it?
If you had asked me a few weeks ago I would have said yes, but now I’m not so sure. I’ve been thinking about all the dates I could have gone on, all the people I might have gotten to know, and all the love I could have felt if I had only been brave enough.
Putting yourself out there is scary. But so is never taking a chance in the first place.
I’ve decided it’s time to say goodbye to being a ghost once and for all. To everyone I’ve ever ghosted, I’m really sorry. And to all my fellow ghosters out there, you might want to think about finally taking off the sheets.
