Featuring hits such as: “Hey Auntie, why don’t you worry about your cheating husband instead of who I am or am not fucking this year?”
As the holiday season creeps in, there’s one thing that seems to be disappearing faster and faster.
Boundaries.
When we get lost in the hustle and bustle of trying to make this year’s winter holidays worth something, we’re practically inviting lines to be crossed (and yes, I mean winter holidays. Thanksgiving has NO jingles I can vibe to, in my eyes, it’s just an excuse to eat pie. So. Much. Pie).
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not implying that we want this anarchy, but the holidays are when many of us let our guard down. Now more than ever, we need to reinforce our mental strongholds and protect ourselves from hostility disguised as “catching-up”.
You sense some prying bullshit coming your way? Hop. On. The. DEFENSE!
If that means faking a phone call in order to leave the situation, then pull that oscar winning performance out of your ass — OR if that means calling them out and clapping back, then match their energy and let them know you’re not the one they should mess with!
Bottom line? Give yourself permission to do whatever it takes to remind people they need to back up and worry about their own problems for once.
I get it. It’s the holidays. You don’t want to step on anyone’s toes or stir up old drama so you’re used to just staying quiet and accepting the attacks. You may even think it’s easier than having to deal with the consequences of defending yourself.
Here’s the thing. People — no matter how close they are — don’t get to make you feel like you’re “less than” anything.
Yes, it’s true not all of them intend to be rude, but that doesn’t make the comments hurt any less. I’ve been in plenty of situations — birthday included — where my family crossed a line and I was expected to just deal with it.
What was the result of that, you ask? Locking myself in the bathroom and forcing myself not to cry, for an hour.
You might think it’s easier but take it from someone who knows; when your version of “deal-with-it” starts feeding into your depression, it’s time to take ownership of your mindscape. It’s time to tell people, “No, that wasn’t okay, and no, I won’t apologize for sticking up for myself.”
Feel like you’re still figuring out your boundaries or second guessing if what someone says is actually out of pocket? Then my siblings, allow me to validate some of your experiences and expose some of that toxicity in disguise.
You know what Auntie, you’re right. I am fake and never give you attention, guess that’s something your husband and I have in common.
It’s the toxic aunt not knowing her boundaries, for me. These people will be the most problematic people in your life and still have the balls to ask why you refuse to see them. Maybe they didn’t do anything to you directly, but their reputation alone gives you pause. You’ve heard the way they talk about your parents or favorite cousins and you’re not here for it. Avoid her when you can, don’t leave any comment unchecked.
*Psst, this person will probably have the most to say about your social life and relationship status.
No Uncle, unlike your commitment to this family, my sexuality is NOT a phase.
You don’t know if he’s just ignorant, or just trying to hide his homophobia, but the constant comments on who you love, or your lack of interest in love and/or sex are uncalled for. Your straight siblings and cousins don’t have to put up with this, so why should you? Nip it in the bud. Don’t give him another year to invalidate your journey and the power of your pride!
Hey Cousin of mine! While I’m chowing down on the sexiest piece of pie I have ever seen, you might wanna focus on loving yourself instead of trying so hard to change everyone else.
Sometimes they’re your older cousin, and sometimes they’re your grandma. Either way, their advice is misguided. You don’t need to lose weight, you don’t need to brag about your accomplishments, and you don’t need to spill any secrets you don’t want to. You are beautiful and amazing as you are. Just because they want to overcompensate for their lack of self love, or their clinging to toxic outdated ideals, does not mean you aren’t amazing and powerful. So enjoy your second piece of pie without shame, you earned it homie!
However you handle your family, be it passive or aggressive, make sure you’re doing what you can to protect your mind and your spirit.
You got this, so go rock out this holiday season!